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EURO NEWS

EURO NEWSThe European commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German (hurrah!), which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Govt. conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase- in plan for the…
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The Biology Song

The Biology Song A Mad Scientist Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house, Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse. The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed, The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose. The oven kept warm the...

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Girlfriend 1.0 Software

Girlfriend 1.0 SoftwareLast year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do...

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Chemistry Song

Chemistry SongI'm Dreaming of a White PrecipitateI'm dreaming of a white precipitatejust like the ones I used to makeWhere the colors are vividand the chemist is lividto see impurities in the snow.I'm dreaming of a white precipitatewith every chemistry test I writeMay...

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A New Christmas Tradition

A New Christmas TraditionOne particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was...

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Newfoundland, My Newfoundland

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood...

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The Wrinkled Nightgown

The Wrinkled NightgownA man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through...

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How to Mess with the IRS Next Year

How to Mess with the IRS Next Year(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail...

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What is the time?

What is the time?A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital...

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