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Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.

You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.

It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it.

Hey, act your age — senile!

I’ve had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You’re the best at all you do — and all you do is make people hate you.

In the dictionary under the word, “stupid,” it says, “see him.”

We know you could not live without us. We’ll pay for the funeral.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

When you get run over by a car, it shouldn’t be listed under accidents.

We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!

We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, “Do not come home and all will be forgiven”.

You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.

I don’t consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.

You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!

A dope you are and dope will remain.
Completely unlike cocaine.
You add to, not diminish, pain!

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.

We all spring from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough.

It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.

Lets play house. You be the door and I’ll slam you.

I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

I hear you are connected to the Police Department — by a pair of handcuffs.

Hello — tall, dark and obnoxious!

You remind me of the ocean — you make me sick.

You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it’s hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.

I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It’s for people who are dead from the neck up.

After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.

You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.

I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!

For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind — and all of yours.

You are the only person I’ve ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!

You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!

I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!

You must be the arithmetic man — you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You started at the bottom — and it’s been downhill ever since.

You are so boring that you can’t even entertain a doubt.

I don’t mind that you are talking so long as you don’t mind that I’m not listening.

I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.

In the next life, you’ll blaze a way for us.

You are master in your own house — the doghouse!

When you die, I’d like to go to your funeral, but I’ll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.

Believe me, I don’t want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

Keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested.

Some day you will find yourself — and wish that you hadn’t.

People clap when they see you — their hands over their eyes or ears.

Whatever is eating you — must be suffering horribly.

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