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Possible IBM Acronyms

IBM: It’s Being MendedIBM: Immense Ball of MuckIBM: I Believe in MemorexIBM: It’s Better than Macintosh!IBM: Idiots Built MeIBM: Intense Bowel MovementIBM: Inferior But Marketable?IBM: I’ve Been MisleadIBM: It’s Better ManuallyIBM: Infinitely...
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Occupy! Wall Street!

Terms you need to learn prior to occupying.CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying...
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WD-40

Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don’t lie and don’t cheat.Who knew; I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around...
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Blonde Susan

Susan pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure her Labrador Retriever had fresh air. He was stretched out on the back seat, and Susan wanted to impress upon him that he must remain there.She walked to the curb backward, pointing...
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How to Fix Dents

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents. She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and...
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WHY IS EMAIL LIKE A PENIS?

Some folks have it, some don’t. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don’t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.Those who don’t have it may agree that...
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Useless Things

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?He has an Adam’s apple that isn’t an apple…Two calves that will never become cows…A nose bridge that doesn’t lead anywhere…A roof of the mouth that won’t cover...
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50 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate PART II

26. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get...
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Answering Machine

My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I...
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Dents

A blonde left her car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over she checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents. She went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the problem. The mechanic jokingly told her to blow on the tailpipe and the dents...
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Open Fly

Tactful(?) ways to tell a man his fly is open:16. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.15. Your dork is ajar.14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.13. I can see your Gap dancers.12. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr....
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