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How to Mess with the IRS Next Year

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) –Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take...
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Backyard Archaeology

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are...
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Useful Work Phrases at Work

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really...
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What your car says about you

Audi 90 – I enjoy putting out engine fires. Buick Park Avenue – I am older than 34 of the 50 states. Cadillac Eldorado – I am a very good Mary Kay salesman. Cadillac Seville – I am a pimp. Chevrolet Camaro – I enjoy beating up people....
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Blind Date for Ex

“That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend.” “I know, but I don’t hold any grudges.” “I’m surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her.” “Well, I had to swear to him...
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Funerals

What to do at the funeral of someone you don’t like * Tell the widow you’re sure you saw him move. * Go to the funeral dressed as the deceased, and call the widow a fraud. * Bring a dog to the funeral and have him play dead. * Sign the deceased’s...
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Parent Job Description

POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work...
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Sarcastic Remarks For Work

Sarcastic Remarks For Work And your crybaby whinny opinion would be…? This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just...
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Signs you have grown up!

Signs you have grown up! 1. Your potted plants stay alive.2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.5. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.6. You...
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How to Attend a Meeting

How to Attend a Meeting To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. “Hi,” you should say. “I’m a new employee. What is the name...
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Barack and Michelle

Barack and Michelle Barack and Michelle Obama are driving in the country near Michelle’s hometown. They are low on fuel, so Barrack stops at a gas station. The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window. “Hey, Michelle! We used to date in...
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ASAP

ASAP The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. “I see you have put ‘ASAP’ down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you’ve put...
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