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Farm Accident

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. “Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon...
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A Great Fruit Cake Recipie

A Great Fruit Cake Recipie You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to...
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Politics

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics is to use...
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Lawyer’s Brain

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher: “How much for Engineer brain?” “3 dollars an ounce.”...
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Feline Physics Laws

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to...
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Lawyer in Heaven

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment. They spend the day in orientation, and as they’re getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and...
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Breakfast Order

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning. “I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so over cooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left on...
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The Feline Diet

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots...
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Three Penny Tip

A New Hampshire man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip–three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: “You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip...
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A Boy and Math

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy’s parents were...
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Deer Camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and...
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Updated Employee Handbook

DRESS CODEIt is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to...
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New Company Policy

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our...
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Inebriated State

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn’t get the door...
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The Sign

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day...
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