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Another Twisted Greeting Card

It’s Christmas time, and once again, the family’s gathered ’round.Uncles, aunts, and cousins come to raise a joyful sound.All that is, except for you, whom we can only send this mail.But we’ll save your gifts for fifty years till you get out of...
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The Cesium Song

Oh Cesium(Tune, Oh Christmas tree) Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,Thy spectrum doth us please-ium.Thy sky-blue lines in plasma’s fire,Do dreams of icy lakes inspire.Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,Thy spectrum doth us please-ium. Oh Cesium, oh Cesium,When held, you never...
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Top 10 Reasons To Like Hanukkah

10. No roof damage from reindeer.9. Never a silent night when you’re among your Jewish loved ones. 8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it.7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races. 6. You can use your...
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Bad Talk

“Talk about a huge breast!”“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”“It’s Cool Whip time!”“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”“Are you...
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Supreme Court rules no Nativity scene in DC

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States’ Capital this Christmas season. This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation’s Capitol. A search for a...
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The Usual

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh, no,” says Dave....
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3 Men in Saudi

An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. Then Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia. For the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the...
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A Birthday Present

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says, “So what would you like, Sherry? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?” She says, “Morris, I want a divorce.” He says, “I wasn’t...
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A Lighter Look at Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing...
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Church Bloopers

Here are some real-life Church Bulletin excerpts. Enjoy! See what a slip of the fingers on the keyboard can do: –> Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: “Come tonight and hear Bertha...
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ABC of Ex-boyfriends

A is for ASSHOLE, you know, that word I shout at him as I drive by. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I can’t think of two better losers to get off the streets. C is for Call ya later. He won’t. He never has...
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Guys Suck

GUYS SUCK…… and let me tell you why. FARTING – How come it’s cool for you to do it and disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your leg? JOCK-ITCH – Get help! Do you see us scratch? We don’t want to see you scratch either. PORNOS...
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