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Murphy’s Technology Laws

Murphy’s Technology LawsMurphy’s Technology Law # 1:You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.Murphy’s Technology Law # 2:Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.Murphy’s...
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Old

OldOLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance.OLD ALCOHOLICS never die, they just lose their spirit.OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class.OLD ARTISTS never die, they just get the brush-off.OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest.OLD...
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Pick up lines for Compu-nerds

Pick up lines for Compu-nerdsNice Set of Floppies!Hey, how ’bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.I’d like to play on your laptop.Need me to unzip your files?If you were an ISP I’d dial you all day long!I’d like to boot up your...
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Roboteeeekk

RoboteeeekkTwo friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.”Hey, bud, how are ya?””I’m good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!””Well, I’m glad you like her. Believe it or not,...
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Natural Laws

Natural Laws”The Law of Volunteering”If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.”The Law of Avoiding Oversell”When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.”The Law of Common Sense”Never...
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Internet Axioms

Internet Axioms 1. Home is where you hang your @. 2. The email of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak...
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Haiku Error Messages

Haiku Error MessagesThree things are certain:Death, taxes, and lost data.Guess which has occurred.Everything is gone;Your life’s work has been destroyed. Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?Seeing my great faultThrough darkening blue windowsI begin again.Errors have...
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Cats

Cats”Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.” — Dave Platt”Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.” — Bruce Graham”There is no snooze button on a cat who wants...
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Apple a Day

Apple a DayQ: How many Apple tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?A: Four.- One to ask “What is the OS and model you are using?”- one to ask “Have you tried re-starting it?”- another to ask “Have you tried a clean...
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The Creation of the PC

The Creation of the PC1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.3. And God said – Let...
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Abraham Com

Abraham ComAn old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says… And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of...
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New State Motto’s

New State Motto’sAlabama: At Least We’re not MississippiAlaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!Arizona: But It’s a Dry HeatArkansas: Litterasy Ain’t EverthingCalifornia: As Seen on TVColorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t...
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What are they?

What are they?An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back...
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The Geek

The GeekA man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me...
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The Programmer’s Billable Hours

The Programmer’s Billable HoursA computer program crashed in the lawyer’s office, so he called a programmer. The programmer arrived, unpacked his case, did mysterious programmer-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer...
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