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Psychological Holiday Songs

SCHIZOPHRENIA – Do You Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY – We Three Kings Disoriented Are. DEMENTIA – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas. NARCISSISTIC – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me) MANIA – Deck the Halls and Walls...
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Ho! Ho! Ho! Hey! Hey! Hey!

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks “Santa, will you stay with me?” Santa says, “Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children,...
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Sex Dolls

After less than a year of marriage, Jane was becoming more and more frustrated. Her husband Jeff worked very long hours and was no longer interested in Bonking. Plucking up her courage, and with a few stiff drinks inside her, Jane visited a sex shop....
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Night before

T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,The computers were whirring; they never do stop.The power was on and the temperature right,In hopes that the input would feed back that night. The system was ready, the program was coded,And memory drums...
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Tattoo Parlour

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out...
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Dirty Xmas

Top 10 things that sound dirty on Christmas, but aren’t…. 10. Did you get any under the tree? 9. I think your balls are hanging too low. 8. Check out Rudolph’s honker! 7. Santa’s sack is really bulging. 6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean...
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Tail-Light

Tail-Light On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says “Yeah.” The cop...
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Santa may be Late this Year

Ho Ho Ho.., Hello out there all people of the world. This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results. The first result showed:...
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Game Show

Game Show The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question – worth 500 points! “To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santa’s...
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Whiskers

Whiskers Father Christmas was in the Grotto, when after days of young children filing past, he was confronted by a lovely looking eighteen year old girl. She sits herself down on Santa’s knee and he asks her what she wants for Christmas. She says, “Well...
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Lawyers II

Lawyers II Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them … and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on. Lawyer’s creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. What’s the...
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X-mas Gift

X-mas Gift Little Johnnie had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do? The shrink said, “Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnnie what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells...
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Did Santa bring that to you?

Did Santa bring that to you? A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him. “Nice bike,” the cop said. “Did Santa bring it to you?” “Yes Sir,” the little girl said,...
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Santa Pick-Up Lines

Santa Pick-Up Lines 10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? 9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf? 8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you! 7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? 6. I know when you’ve been bad or good–so...
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One Liners IV

One Liners IV How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?Only one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change. ——————— Why is sex like software?For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for...
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