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Golf Gun

Two detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun,” the other detective replied. “A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?” “I don’t know. But it sure made...
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Half a Head of Lettuce

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into...
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Ski Lift

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was. “Go down the hill,” I told them, “out the door, past the pool, 200...
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Don’t Trust Golfing Lawyers

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the Don was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from his private businesses, he ask the lawyer to ask the deaf man if he was willing to help. This way if he...
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Mr. Gorsky

On July 20, 1969, As Commander Of The Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong Was The First Person To Set Foot On The Moon. His First Words After Stepping On The Moon, “that’s One Small Step For Man, One Giant Leap For Mankind,” Were Televised To...
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White Coats

Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into the woods. Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand were chasing her, and a little old man was bringing up the rear. One of the golfers asked...
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Getting Permission to Play Golf

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, “you have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.” The second...
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Baseball in Heaven

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?” Solomon thinks about it for a minute...
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Deer Camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and...
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Dead Dog

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by...
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Letter to a Shrink

Dear Shrink, It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions. I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night...
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We could have been here sooner!

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of...
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Geometric Logic

Geometric Logic The Wonder of it All: 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is...
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Football Q and A

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence?A flat back...
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Senior Foursome

With waning enthusiasm for the sport, a foursome of seniors hit the golf course. “Seems these hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” moaned the first senior. “Boy, these fairways really seem to be getting longer too,” complained the...
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School Report

Teacher: Tonight you all have to finish your book reports Later that night… Boy: Mom, can you help me with my report? Mom: Shut Up! I’m on the phone! Boy: Dad (who is watching a football game) Can you help me with my homework? Dad: (cheering for his team)...
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