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Lipstick Girls

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it....
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Biggest Tool

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, “Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!” She yells, “Whose Jimmy Poole?” A kid in the back stands up and says,...
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Politics

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics is to use...
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They Don’t Mess Around

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: “Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?” “Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.” “Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I...
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Some Bumper Stickers

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.* Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?* He who laughs last thinks slowest.* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at...
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Winking Problem

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your...
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A Boy and Math

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy’s parents were...
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People Over 34 Should Be Dead

Here’s why. According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, or even maybe the early 70’s probably shouldn’t have survived. Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored...
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Short Story

The blonde college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery. She was the only one who received an A+. This is what she wrote: “Good...
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The Welfare Office

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. “Wow,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?” “Yep, they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before....
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Engineer Terms

Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being...
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Mistakes on a Resume

These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs. “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.” “Qualifications:...
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Emotional Extremes

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. And...
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