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Substitute

Little Johnny’s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living. Little Mary got up and said, My Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect. “Great,” said the teacher. Michael got up and said, “My Dad is a...
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Sounds

A High School teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. “Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked. Mary put her hand up and...
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Pendulum

A young pretty female school teacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, “Now children, look at the clock; what does the clock have that I have too?” One little girl stood up and said, “It has a face.”...
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Pair

“Johnny,” the teacher started, “do you know what ‘paranoia’ means?” “It’s not a word, Teach, it’s several words,” Johnny replied. “Whatever do you mean by that?” “It’s like when you go...
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Delinquent Children

TWELVE RULES FOR RAISING DELINQUENT CHILDREN! (1). Begin in infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living. (2). When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It...
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All Free

The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all...
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Happy 4th of July 2010

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?The Americans licked the British! Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?Because the horse was too heavy to carry! Why did the British cross the Atlantic?To get to the other tide! What do you call a...
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Slogans

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. “Joe,” he asked, “which company has the slogan, ‘come fly the friendly skies’?” Joe answered the correct airline....
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Making Back To School More Fun

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid,...
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Idiots Stand Up

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” inquired the teacher with a sneer....
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Shop Class

What’s the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?” the shop teacher asked Judy, the only girl in the shop class during the first day of school. Judy pondered the question for a moment, then replied, “Well, I can’t rightly say as I know,...
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Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to €100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay €1. The sixth would pay...
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Baby Brother

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no...
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Good-Bad News

The story is told that many years ago, one of the UCLA Professors told the Freshman Science Students that he had some “Good News” and some “Bad News”. “By the Year 2015, we will all be drinking Recycled Sewage”, he told the class....
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Pick One

The old professor’s yearly diddle came around recently. As they settled into the bed, Mrs. Professor asked him, “So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?” The old professor responds by raising his right hand and outstretching his fingers....
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Math

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”
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How Lucky

Little Johnny sat obediently as his mother explained how lucky their family was. Then she told him just why, “Johnny, you will soon be a big brother.” The next day, Johnny ran to his teacher with the good news. “Miss, my mum got lucky last night and...
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Well he asked!

A professor at Glasgow University was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young...
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