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The Wrinkled Nightgown

The Wrinkled Nightgown A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through...
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Girlfriend 1.0 Software

Girlfriend 1.0 Software Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it’s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he...
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Newfoundland, My Newfoundland

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz Convection’s cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and...
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Even More Insults!

Even More Insults! Why don’t you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex — and it’s fully justified. You are not as bad as people say — you...
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Wife’s Panties

Wife’s Panties Two lawyers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.” “I know the feeling,” the other...
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The Bucking Bronco

The Bucking Bronco A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel. Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for...
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Snow or Rain?

Snow or Rain? Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m...
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Headstone

Headstone A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed – “Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.” The little boy reads the headstone, looks up at his mother, and asks “Mommy, why did they bury two men...
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Politics

Politics Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics...
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The Art of Love Making

The Art of Love Making The Italian man says, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.” The Frenchman boasts, “Last week when my...
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Half a Head of Lettuce

Half a Head of Lettuce A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager...
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Dirty Magazines

Dirty Magazines Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the...
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The Lawyers Last Stand

The Lawyers Last Stand A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it. As soon as she returned with the...
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Virus Warning: Missus

Virus Warning: Missus DescriptionMissus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV it is a remote hijacker, targeted at unsuspecting male humanoids. There may be problems with pop-ups. VariantsGirlfriend 1.0 was the first...
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3 Honeymoon Nights

3 Honeymoon Nights Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother...
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The French Cow Hand

The French Cow Hand There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. “No!” yelled the...
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Baby Bear

Baby Bear The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about...
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