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We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!

When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I’ll say it was your stupidity.

Well, I’ll see you in my dreams — if I eat too much.

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.

Let’s play horse. I’ll be the front end and you be yourself.

I’ll never forget the first time we met — although, I’ll keep trying.

You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you’ll do.

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn’t say hello, I’d say boo!

I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.

Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.

I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly.

A collection of insults!
I’ve hated your looks from the stare they gave me.

Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?

Moonlight becomes you — total darkness even more!

Someone took a photo of you once, but it didn’t turn out. You could be seen too clearly.

So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago.

You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you’ll find one.

The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe you’ll windup with lockjaw.

I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane!

If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!

You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

You’re nobody’s fool. Let’s see if we can get someone to adopt you.

They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?

You’re very smart. You have brains you never used.

You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

Eventually, you will get what you asked for.

Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?

You are so dishonest that I can’t even be sure that what you tell me are lies!

You have a good weapon against muggers — your face!

You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people — you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.

They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.

Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit.

You always have your ear to the ground. So how’s life in the gutter?

Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

You are pretty as a picture and we’d love to hang you.

You will never be able to live down to your reputation!

Any friend of yours — is a friend of yours.

Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.

I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

Don’t get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit.

This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.

Look, don’t go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you’ve got a palm.

Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.

Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?

I’d like to break the monotony; where’s your weakest point?

The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?

I hear you are an officer. Your rank is — just plain rank!

You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.

You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.

Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.