A – Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
B – BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.
C – COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
D – DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
E – EMPTY NEST: See “WISHFUL THINKING.”
F – FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
G – GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
H – HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
I – INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
J – JUNK: Dad’s stuff.
K – KISS: Mom’s medicine.
L – LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and next a profit of 15 cents.
M – MAYBE: No.
N – Nail Polish: part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”
O – OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom’s nickname for Dad.
P – PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops.
Q – QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
R – REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.
S – SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.
T – TOWELS: See “FLOOR COVERINGS”.
U – UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.
V – VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.
W – WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.
X – XOXOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid’s lunch box even more mortifying.
Y – “YIPPEE!”: What mother’s shout the first day of school.
Z – ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.