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College

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his father....
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Puddles

A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: “Ah, you’re lovely, aren’t you?” she says to the first...
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50 Rules for Men by Women

1. Call. 2. Don’t lie. 3. Never tape any of her body parts together. 4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. 5. If guys’ night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. 6. The correct answer to...
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The Country Girl is a Virgin

There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents’ house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking they came upon the 2 horses that were mating....
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Careful Chimp

A couple goes to the zoo for lunch and stops in front of the monkey cage. A large monkey begins looking at them. The man tosses the monkey a peach from his lunch bag. Monkey looks at the peach, breaks it in half, takes the pit out, shoves it up its ass, takes it back...
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Sounds

A High School teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. “Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked. Mary put her hand up and...
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50 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate PART I

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a...
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WORLD’S EASIEST QUIZ!

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!) 1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a...
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Insults

Cool insults for immediate use 1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?4. I d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I...
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Useless Facts

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider? The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when...
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Whose Kid?

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver. The little kid starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, “If my dad was...
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Christmas Songs

How many Christmas songs can you identify?Answers apear at the end of the mail. 1. The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.2. The lad is a diminutive percussionist.3. Decorate the entry-ways.4. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.5. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y...
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Animal Q and A

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?A: To get to the Shell station! Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?A: To invent the other side. Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?A: To corrupt the other side. Q: Why did the chicken IRS representative cross...
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Cigarettes

A little boy and girl were walking along a trail in the woods. The little girl noticed that some of the animals were behaving oddly. “Little boy ask, why is that rabbit on top that other one”? She asked. The little boy stops to consider his answer, and...
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The Amish Automobile

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.” “Oh, I’ll let my...
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Seinfeldisms…

What’s with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter. Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, “No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye...
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The LAPD, The FBI, and CIA…

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants...
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Animal Trivia

A group of unicorns is called a blessing.Twelve or more cows are known as a “flink.”A group of frogs is called an army.A group of rhinos is called a crash.A group of kangaroos is called a mob.A group of whales is called a pod.A group of ravens is called a...
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