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You’re in Big Trouble

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN… …the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me. …the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area. …my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah,...
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Cracking The Human Resource Code

“COMPETITIVE SALARY”Most of our competitors don’t pay much either. “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”We have no time to train you. “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be...
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Thoughts from Work

Thoughts and stories from on the job My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.” This same boss was into all this dumb...
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The New CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show...
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The Sign

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day...
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Late Tom

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to...
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Murphy’s Work Laws

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look...
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Who is the boss?

Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool. “Joe,” Bill said, “I’m glad to see that your wife finally let you out of the house.” “Things have been different with my wife,” Joe said. “In fact, just...
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How to Call In Sick

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she’s not feeling well. “What’s the matter?” he asks. “I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice. “What in the hell is anal...
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How Long

“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked to another. “Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”
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Engineer Cannibals

Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a defense company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don’t trouble...
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Digging A Hole

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. When the job was completed, the boss returned and explained that an error had been made and the hole wouldn’t be needed. “Fill ‘er up,” he ordered. The worker did as he had been...
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Blonde and Public Works

A blonde woman who had been unemployed for several months finally got a job with Public Works. This was a little old town, so her job was to paint lines down the center of a rural road using a paint brush. The Supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she...
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Lowly

I work for a small software company with approximately fifty employees. My Boss was the company’s third employee. At a meeting with a potential client, our team introduced our-selves one by one. When it was my Boss’ turn, he said, “I’ve been...
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Famous last words

Famous last words Of course it’s sterile. That should be at least enough gas to make it across Nevada. It’s so tame you can put your head in its mouth. It should be ok to swim in. It’s supposed to make that noise. It doesn’t *look* like the...
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The Secretary’s Prayer

The Secretary’s Prayer Dear Lord, I NEED HELP. Help me to be a good secretary, and help me to have the memory of an elephant, or one at least three years long. Help me by some miracle to be able to do six things at once, answer four telephones at the same time...
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Work Related

Work Related I owe! I owe! So off to work I go! Work is for people who don’t know how to fish. Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”. Quote from the...
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