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Politics

Politics Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics...
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Breakfast Order

Breakfast Order A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning. “I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so over cooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that...
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The Feline Diet

The Feline Diet Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people — such...
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Three Penny Tip

Three Penny Tip A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip–three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: “You know, you can tell a lot about a...
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Deer Camp

Deer Camp Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with...
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Late Tom

Late Tom Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he...
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Bachelor’s Diet

Bachelor’s Diet MONDAY: BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost...
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USA Dream

USA Dream Joe Smith starts another day early, having set his alarm clock (made in China) for 6:00 am while his coffee pot (made in China), is perking, he puts his hair dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in China). He puts on a...
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Christmas Breakfast

Christmas Breakfast This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a...
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Tests Before Having Children

Tests Before Having Children FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN: Test 1 Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans. Men: to...
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Never Understand

Never Understand Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common...
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Signs you have grown up!

Signs you have grown up! 1. Your potted plants stay alive.2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.5. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.6. You...
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Prankster

Prankster Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming. Surprisingly, the ceremony went off...
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No Room

No Room By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere.” he pleaded to the last hotel manager, “Or just a bed–I don’t really care where. I’m completely...
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Kentucky

Kentucky A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. The nurse asked to...
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Breakfast

Breakfast A traveling salesman went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast on the second morning of his latest business trip. After being seated by the hostess, he waved off the menu, apparently quite sure of what he hungered for that morning. After all, this was...
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Wrong Side

Wrong Side A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters” and they reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” This...
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Washed Dishes

Washed Dishes A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies,...
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The Early Riser

The Early Riser A visitor to a bed-and-breakfast inn in the country awoke early one morning to find the farmer and his family still asleep. Slightly irritated at not having his breakfast even begun yet, he took a glass and went out to the barn to try his hand at...
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