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Golf Gun

Two detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun,” the other detective replied. “A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?” “I don’t know. But it sure made...
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Don’t Trust Golfing Lawyers

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the Don was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from his private businesses, he ask the lawyer to ask the deaf man if he was willing to help. This way if he...
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Getting Permission to Play Golf

Four married men were golfing. While at the fourth hole, the first man said, “you have no idea what I had to go through to get to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.” The second...
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We could have been here sooner!

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of...
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Senior Foursome

With waning enthusiasm for the sport, a foursome of seniors hit the golf course. “Seems these hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” moaned the first senior. “Boy, these fairways really seem to be getting longer too,” complained the...
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Personal Advice

A lady golfer visits a driving range to tone up before a game. She is about to drive her first ball off the mat when she notices the man next to her. “Pardon me, sir” she said. “You are aiming in the wrong direction – back towards the golf...
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How to Fix Dents

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents. She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and...
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Pass Time

Pass Time Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey,...
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Eighteen

Eighteen A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat...
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Par

Par A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed,about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and...
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Oh Shit

Oh Shit There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had never played the game before. Upon his...
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Golf Balls

Golf Balls A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said,...
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Detachable Penis

Detachable Penis Things To Do With A Detachable Penis 1. Take it for a ride on it’s very own set of training wheels. 2. Slip it into a bun and give new meaning to “Hot Dog.” 3. Wave it in front of John Bobbitt and scream “She’s at it...
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Tiger The Golf Pro

Tiger The Golf Pro ( Sung to Frosty the Snowman Lyrics ) Tiger the Golf Pro was a Horny, Jolly Soul, with two blackened eyes and a broken nose and a car that doesn’t go …. There must have been some magic in that golf club Elin found . For when she struck...
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Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods Tiger Woods should change his name to Tomcat or Cheetah Woods. Six girl friends in the last year, 18 holes, think about it… After carefully scrutiny and a comprehensive medical evaluation of Tiger’s injuries, a team of Doctors has concluded...
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Just Doin’ What I’m Told!

Just Doin’ What I’m Told! “You’re going out to play golf again?” his wife complained. “I’m only doing under doctors orders.” “Do I look stupid to you?!” “But its true,” he said, while walking out...
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Favorite Things

Favorite Things To the tune of “A Few Of My Favorite Things” Maalox and nosedrops and needles for knitting’, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s, Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things....
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Instructions

Instructions Posted At A Local Golf Club 1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 2. Form a loose grip. 3. Keep your head down. 4. Avoid a quick back swing. 5. Stay out of the water. 6. Try not to hit anyone. 7. If you are taking too long, please let...
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