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Headstone

Headstone A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed – “Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.” The little boy reads the headstone, looks up at his mother, and asks “Mommy, why did they bury two men...
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Lab Rat

Lab Rat At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?” “Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?”...
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Screw

Screw A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going?” She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, “I’ll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my...
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Wife’s Panties

Wife’s Panties Two lawyers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.” “I know the feeling,” the other...
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Lawyer at the Gate

Lawyer at the Gate A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the...
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Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at...
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Lawyer’s Brain

Lawyer’s Brain A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher: “How much for Engineer brain?” “3 dollars an...
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The Lawyers Last Stand

The Lawyers Last Stand A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it. As soon as she returned with the...
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Lawyer and a Brothel

Lawyer and a Brothel The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. “Can I help you?” she asked. “I want to see Natalie,” the man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one of...
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Train Conversation

Train Conversation A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: “In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you...
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Lawyer in Heaven

Lawyer in Heaven A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment. They spend the day in orientation, and as they’re getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like...
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Lawyer VS. Insurance

Lawyer VS. Insurance This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,: then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire...
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Pact with the Devil

Pact with the Devil An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your...
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Louisiana Law

Louisiana Law A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up onhis tractor and asked him what he...
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Don’t Trust Golfing Lawyers

Don’t Trust Golfing Lawyers A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the Don was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from his private businesses, he ask the lawyer to ask the deaf man if he was...
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One Less Lawyer

One Less Lawyer An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll...
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Legal Eyesight

Legal Eyesight An old man was a witness in a burglary trial. The defense lawyer asks Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam , “I saw him plainly take the goods.” The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam,...
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The Kind Lawyer

The Kind Lawyer One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man. “We...
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Lawyer Defending a Thief

Lawyer Defending a Thief A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole...
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