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First Turkey

Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the crap outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome! Gettin’ old is so much fun… Remember: Don’t make old People mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take...
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Senior Foursome

With waning enthusiasm for the sport, a foursome of seniors hit the golf course. “Seems these hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” moaned the first senior. “Boy, these fairways really seem to be getting longer too,” complained the...
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TOP 10 OLD FOLKS PARTY GAMES

10. Musical Recliners 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 8. Hide and Go Pee 7. Simon Says Something Incoherent 6. Doc, Doc Goose 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 4. Kick the Bucket 3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald...
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A new one!

Emerging from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said aloud in the crowded waiting room, “I feel like a new man!” “I do, too,” a middle-aged woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old...
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Senior Driving

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!”...
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Lowly

I work for a small software company with approximately fifty employees. My Boss was the company’s third employee. At a meeting with a potential client, our team introduced our-selves one by one. When it was my Boss’ turn, he said, “I’ve been...
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Parking Ticket

Parking Ticket Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop...
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Roast

Roast One day a little girl was watching her mom make a great roast beef. She cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the great roasting pan. The little girl asked her mom why she cut off the ends of the roast. Mom replied, after some...
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Marriage Troubles

Marriage Troubles A young marriage counselor, haggard with the troubles of his clients, got into the elevator with an elderly but highly spirited senior consultant. “How on earth do you remain so youthful and happy, sir ?” sighed the younger man,...
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Redneck Check…

Redneck Check… You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Anyone in your family ever died right after...
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Florida Senior Citizens

Florida Senior Citizens A group of Florida senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: “My arms are so weak, I can hardly hold this cup of coffee,” said one. “Ha! My cataracts are so bad, I can’t even see my coffee,”...
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Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Great To Be A Dog

Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Great To Be A Dog 1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public. 2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older. 3. Personal hygiene is...
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Grandpa, Can You…?

Grandpa, Can You…? A little girl said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap? “Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied. As she sat on her grandfather’s lap she said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?” “A sound...
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Visiting Grandma

Visiting Grandma A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow, push button 14T. I...
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$5.37!

$5.37! That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck...
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Open Fly

Open Fly Tactful(?) ways to tell a man his fly is open: 16. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.15. Your dork is ajar.14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.13. I can see your Gap dancers.12. Paging Mr. Johnson…...
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Washed Dishes

Washed Dishes A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies,...
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