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Bumper Stickers You Might Want

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in...
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New Las Vegas Slogans

“What Happens Here, Stays Here” is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here are the leading contenders: 1) Las Vegas: Better than Detroit (Actually, this works for any city.) 2) It’s The Gambling, Stupid 3) You’re Broke,...
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9 Things Dogs Don’t Understand

1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3 am. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10...
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A Collection of Insults!

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff?...
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Quickies V

This just in: Saddam’s Response to the Recent Bombings (Baghdad) Following a second day of heavy bombing in and around the Iraqi capital, Saddam Hussein reportedly announced that he is willing to accept censure. ======== There are two theories to arguing with...
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Perplexing Questions

Answers to some of life’s most perplexing questions: How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?ONE – He just holds it up there and waits for the world to...
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COMPUTER ONE LINERS:

Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory… Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim. Justify my text? I’m sorry but it has no excuse. Programming is an art form that fights back.
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Thanks Giving Quick One Liners

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age! What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock! How do you hold a turkey in suspense? (Scroll Down) (get it?)
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Dumb Headlines

“Infertility unlikely to be passed on”–> Montgomery Advertiser “Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men”–> The Sunday Oregonian “Man shoots neighbor with machete”–> The Miami Herald “Court Rules...
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