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Lipstick Girls

Lipstick Girls A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints. Before it got out of hand he thought of a...
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Biggest Tool

Biggest Tool A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, “Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!” She yells, “Whose Jimmy Poole?” A kid in the back stands up and says,...
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Politics

Politics Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father “Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can describe politics...
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They Don’t Mess Around

They Don’t Mess Around A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: “Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?” “Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.” “Oh Dear, he...
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Winking Problem

Winking Problem A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are...
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A Boy and Math

A Boy and Math A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the...
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Short Story

Short Story The blonde college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery. She was the only one who received an A+. This is what she wrote:...
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The Welfare Office

The Welfare Office A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. “Wow,” the social worker exclaims, “are they all yours?” “Yep, they are all mine,” the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a...
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Mistakes on a Resume

Mistakes on a Resume These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs. “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”...
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Engineer Terms

Engineer Terms Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive...
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What your car says about you

What your car says about you Audi 90 – I enjoy putting out engine fires. Buick Park Avenue – I am older than 34 of the 50 states. Cadillac Eldorado – I am a very good Mary Kay salesman. Cadillac Seville – I am a pimp. Chevrolet Camaro – I...
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Performance Evaluation Translations

Performance Evaluation Translations A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused. Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job. Active socially: Drinks heavily. Alert to company developments: An office gossip. Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds...
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School Report

School Report Teacher: Tonight you all have to finish your book reports Later that night… Boy: Mom, can you help me with my report? Mom: Shut Up! I’m on the phone! Boy: Dad (who is watching a football game) Can you help me with my homework? Dad: (cheering...
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