10. You’ll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.
9. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.
8. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green jello.
7. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper.
6. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12×14 cell… OK, even if it is for only four days.
5. To eat your meals, the only trek you’ll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall…in below freezing weather.
4. Instead of listening to “when I first started teaching here…” you can be entertained by “when your mother was your age…” and “during the Depression we weren’t lucky enough to have brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!”
3. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.
2. You’ll know the hair in the shower drain is your own.
1. You won’t be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!