The Wrinkled Nightgown
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed...
How to Mess with the IRS Next Year
(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out...
What is the time?
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.Calling out to the...
Tax Plan for Your 2018 Taxes
Enclosed is my 2018 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from "USA Today" archives.In the article, you will note that the Pentagon paid $171.50 each for hammers and NASA paid $600.00 each for toilet seatsPlease find enclosed in...
Even More Insults!
Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon?...
Girlfriend 1.0 Software
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he...
A practical joke involving jello
Here's a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party:A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks...
Oh the Internet is Slow
The Net is Slow Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it's so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn't show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned way down...
The Biology Song
A Mad Scientist Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house, Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse. The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed, The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose. The oven kept warm the ebola and pox, I...
If Companies Ran Christmas
If IBM ran Christmas...They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.If Microsoft ran Christmas...Each time you bought an ornament, you...
