Feline Physics Laws

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to...

The Feline Diet

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots...

9 Things Dogs Don’t Understand

1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3 am. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10...

Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, “T-square, do your...

Mistakes on a Resume

These are from actual resumes: “Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs. “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.” “Qualifications:...

A Guide to Walking Tigers

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced....

A Cat’s Dictionary

A Cat’s DictionaryPurring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson:...

Saucer

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and...

A Group of…

Now you know, add these terms to your vocabulary and be the hit of the party when watching Animal Planet TV shows!A group of antelope is called a herd.A group of ants is called an army or a colony.A group of apes is called a shrewdness.A group of baboons is called a...

Sarcastic Remarks For Work

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be…? This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer....

Things men know:

Men know that PMS is Mother Natures way of telling you to get out of the house.Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.Men know that there are at least three sides to every story; his, hers, and the truth.Men know never to run away from a fight that you know...

The New Pet

For a little girls birthday her parents decided to let her get a pet. So the next day she went to the pet store. She walk past the puppies. Glanced at the kittens. Took a look at the fish. Gawked at the lizards and snakes, to then decide she wanted a bird. When all...

Top Ten Signs You Hired the Wrong Kid to Mow your Lawn

10. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.9. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.8. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.7. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his...

Year 2010 – Neverland

I resolve never to tell my husband “I told you so” for the first 3 days of the new year.I resolve never to embarrass my husband by wearing cheap jewellery and clothes.I resolve never to work in the kitchen so I can look my best when he comes home.I resolve...

Relationships

The Truth about Relationships – a man’s viewBefore she moves in, she wears teddies and suspenders, and you hold your farts in until she leaves the room; she’s a gorgeous sex kitten and you tell her so; you’re so sweet and adorable, and...

Is that sex?

It was decided to teach sex education in school and the principal chose his favorite teacher’s second grade class as a trial. The teacher showed the film, read the material to her students and then asked if anyone had questions.One little boy held up his hand...

Why Dogs Can’t Use Computers

10. He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.9. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.7. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.6. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s...
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