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Tax Return

Tax ReturnMoshe Shofar, The owner of a small Kosher New York sandwich deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. “Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said....
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Give us new missiles!

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.Sometime later, the Syrian Defense...
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And so it was…

God created the donkey and said to him: “You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.You will be a donkey.”The donkey answered: “I will...
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Smart Dog

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.””Nah,...
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Funerals

What to do at the funeral of someone you don’t like * Tell the widow you’re sure you saw him move. * Go to the funeral dressed as the deceased, and call the widow a fraud. * Bring a dog to the funeral and have him play dead. * Sign the deceased’s...
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Farm Animal Jokes

Why do ducks have webbed feet?To stamp out forest fires!Why did the pig go to the casino?To play the slop machine!What is a pigs favorite ballet?Swine Lake!What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?Pooched eggs!How do you stop a rooster crowing on Sunday?Eat him...
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Somewhere in CA

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the...
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A Group of…

Now you know, add these terms to your vocabulary and be the hit of the party when watching Animal Planet TV shows!A group of antelope is called a herd.A group of ants is called an army or a colony.A group of apes is called a shrewdness.A group of baboons is called a...
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Ideas About Science

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell...
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Dog Wash

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom and Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.”Oh, no...
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Even More Church Bloopers

* Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.* The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.* The sermon this morning: Jesus...
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College

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his...
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Signs you have grown up!

1. Your potted plants stay alive.2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.5. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.6. You carry an umbrella. You...
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Puddles

A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: “Ah, you’re lovely, aren’t you?” she says to the first...
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Vacuum Salesman

This salesman selling vacuum cleaners is going from door to door trying to flog them to unsuspecting housewives. He goes to this new estate hoping to have some luck there. Carrying his cleaner up to the door and holding a bunch of goodies in his other hand, he knocks...
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Ribbons

A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep. She goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, she goes to...
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