Twas the Night before Finals

Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...

Caffeine Addict’s Quiz:

Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD...

Purchasing a new bird

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d...

Good Advice from Maxine

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There ain’t no way you’re going to like it. If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet. The only two things we do with...

New Company Policy

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our...

Screwing up a Business

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” “ONE CENT!” exclaimed the guy, the barman replied “Yes.” So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks...

Too Drunk

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he...

Your Stimulus Check

If a Republican president is elected in November, just like when Bush was elected, we taxpayers will receive a ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q and A format: Q. What is an...

After I Win

Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good ole boys from North Carolina, were sitting’ on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.”I’m gonna do that when I win the lottery,” said Bubba.”Do what?”...

Murphy’s Work Laws

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look...

The Investigation

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems...

Promoted

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, “You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years.” Replied the drunk: “Can I help it if you can’t get promoted?”

Good Samaritan

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and...

Bachelor’s Diet

MONDAY:BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also...

Zen Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone. 2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any. 3....
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