The Elephant Man

The Elephant ManJack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are...

Bad Analogies

Bad AnalogiesThe line separating painfully bad analogies from weirdly good ones is as thin as a soup made from the shadow of a chicken that was starved to death by Abraham Lincoln. Here are some fine examples:The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from...

Elephant’s Penis

Elephant’s PenisA Mother and Father take their young son to the circus. When the elephants appear, the son is intrigued by them, and he turns to his mother and says, “Mom, what’s that hanging between the elephant’s legs?” The mother is...

Signs That You Are Too Drunk

Signs That You Are Too Drunk* Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. * You fall off the floor. * You lose arguments with inanimate objects. * You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. * Job interfering with your drinking. * Your doctor...

Mightiest of All Jungle Animals

Mightiest of All Jungle AnimalsA lion woke up one morning feeling very rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a smallmonkey and roared, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?” The trembling monkey said, “You are, mighty lion!” Later,...

A Frog Goes Into a Bank

A Frog Goes Into a BankA frog goes into a bank, and hops up to the loan officer. The frog says, “Hi, what’s your name?”The loan officer replies, “My name is John Paddywack. Can I help you?”The frog says, “Yeah, I’d like to...

Lucky Pig

Lucky Pig–If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.–If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.–The...
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