Epitaphs for a Halloween Gravestone…

Business, Dentists, Fishing, Lawyers, Religion, Women

Come And Visit Often Pardon Me For Not Getting Up – I Feel Like Lying Down Gone Fishing – Permanently Don’t Come In Yet – Wait Til Later Now Is Not The Time To Ask Me Again There Is Always Lots Of Room Here If You Can’t Say Anything Nice...

Lobsters

Animals, Business, Fishing

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two – at least three pound live lobsters – one in each hand. It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Fisheries Officer...

Want to be Healed?

Fishing, Men

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, “I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War...

Safe to Swim Here?

Fishing

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around...

Fishing

Fishing, Men

Dotty came into the office all aflutter about her husband, “You won’t believe this, Terry, but George takes a fishing pole into the bathroom and tosses the hook into the tub.””You’ve got to be kidding,” gasped Terry. “Don’t...

Old Bubba

Fishing

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a frog in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are frogs. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind...

Doing it All Wrong

Fishing, Men

A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor. “I did everything all wrong again today,” she said.”I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more than he...

WD-40

Animals, Business, Computers, Fishing, Religion, Students, Women

Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don’t lie and don’t cheat.Who knew; I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around...

Bait

Drinking, Fishing, Food

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the...

Fishing Wisdom

Drinking, Fishing

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a dayTeach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Phone Call

Fishing

My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line...

Questions

Fishing

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t...

New and Interesting Christmas Turkey Uses

Dogs, Fishing, Football, Holidays, Sports

*As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.*As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, “Aren’t they a wonderful band!” for the 25th time.*As a hood ornament.* Put on top of the tree.*As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Harriet...

Blonde Fishing

Blondes, Fishing

A blonde is driving on the highway. She looks over and sees another blonde in a wheat field, rowing a boat. She stops and gets out of her car and says, “What are you doing out there?”The blonde in the wheat field replies, “Fishing.” Blonde #1...

Signs it’s your last day at work ……

Business, Fishing, Holidays, Salesmen

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?” you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail. As a woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I...

Year 2010 – Neverland

Cats, Fishing, Football, Holidays, Religion, Sports

I resolve never to tell my husband “I told you so” for the first 3 days of the new year.I resolve never to embarrass my husband by wearing cheap jewellery and clothes.I resolve never to work in the kitchen so I can look my best when he comes home.I resolve...

Tax Time Poem

Animals, Fishing, Marriage, Poems and Rhymes, Politics, Taxes

At first I thought this was funny…then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he’s fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his...

And then the……

Fishing, Women

MY Wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’I said, ‘Dust.’And then the fight started…******************************************My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A...

Overruled!

Fishing

Two Supreme Court justices were on a fishing boat together. One became seasick.”Can I do anything for you,” asked the other.”Yes,” replied the sick one with a gasp, “Overrule the motion!”

Goin’ Fishin’

Drinking, Fishing, Religion, Sports

A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. “You will find no fish...