Dogs, Marriage, Politics, Religion, Sex, US President
1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?”...
Marriage, Men, Women
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t...
Drinking, Marriage, Men, Women
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d...
Animals, Marriage, Men, Songs
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it’s your vote that...
Marriage, Men, Religion, Women
At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he...
Holidays, Marriage
In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food.Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human’s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the...
Business, Dating, Dentists, Doctors, Food, Lawyers, Marriage
TO: ALL PERSONNELFROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during...
Marriage, Men, Sex, Women
1. When I was born, I was given a choice – a big pecker or a good memory…. I don’t remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4....
Dieting, Marriage, One Liners, Sex, Silly Sayings
This just in:Saddam’s Response to the Recent Bombings(Baghdad) Following a second day of heavy bombing in and around the Iraqi capital, Saddam Hussein reportedly announced that he is willing to accept censure.========There are two theories to arguing with women....
Marriage
Emerging from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said aloud in the crowded waiting room, “I feel like a new man!””I do, too,” a middle-aged woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old...
Marriage
A woman is complaining to her friend about her marriage.Her friend says, “Yeah, I understand, I guess there isn’t anymore magic in your life.””Oh, no, there’s still some magic! Every Saturday night he disappears!”
Marriage
There are 3 rings in marriage… The engagement ring.The wedding ring. The suffering.
Dating, Drinking, Marriage, Rednecks, Seniors, Students
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.Your dad is also your favorite uncle.Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.You’re a lite beer...
Farmers, Marriage
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.”Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a...
Marriage
Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotel’s bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big...
Marriage
Courses we should teach our sons…………. and protect the future.1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding4. Refrigerator...
Business, Doctors, Marriage, Men, Religion, Songs, Teachers, Women
The girl who was a wall flower at the dance, but a dandelion in the grass?The drive in theater manager who decided if business got any better he would start showing movies?The two Arabs who sat under a palm tree eating their dates?The recent survey on cigarettes which...
Holidays, Marriage
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing...
Business, Computers, Holidays, Marriage, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Songs
In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song “Happy Birthday”. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in...
Marriage, Seniors
A young marriage counselor, haggard with the troubles of his clients, got into the elevator with an elderly but highly spirited senior consultant.”How on earth do you remain so youthful and happy, sir ?” sighed the younger man, “Listening to all...
