Inebriated State

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, quite inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had trouble getting his key to fit the keyhole and couldn’t get the door...

Contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.. One from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some...

Tunafish

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens his lunch and says, “Tunafish, tunafish, I hate tunafish. If I get tuna fish one more time I’m jumping.” The other two guys open their lunches and...

Boil the Pot of Water

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he decided that they had good problem solving skills. He tried a test to narrow the area of specialty. He put each man in a room with a stove, a table, and a pot of water...

Want to be Healed?

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, “I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War...

Minnesota Taxi Ride…

A woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The taxi driver Ole, who happened to be an old Norwegian man, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.He made no attempt to start the cab. She said to him: – “What’s wrong with...

Good N Bad

Amy phones her husband at work, “Sam, do you have time for a chat?””Sorry, darling, this is not a good time – I’m about to go into a board meeting.””But this won’t take long,” Amy says, “I just want to tell...

Italian Secret to a Long Marriage!

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he...

Spell a Word

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.They saw...

Problems

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?Husband: Yes, I see your picture...

The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.There are three...

Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, “T-square, do your...

Are Caterpillars Good to Eat?

Little Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?Little Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now...

We could have been here sooner!

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of...

Bus For Alaska

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief she got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay loved to...

The family of tomatoes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

Ploughing the Land

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane,...

The Nut Tree

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. The bucket was so full,...

Boys and Girls

“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.” Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to...
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