Sergeant Major Dick

An Army Sgt. Major walks into a whorehouse and approaches the madam and says, “My name is Sgt. Major Dick and I’m here for a woman!” The madam immediately escorts the soldier upstairs and selects the best girl they have for him.Sgt. Major Dick...

She Ain’t Easy… But…

She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker.She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.She’s turned more tricks than...

Transcript

Actual Radio ConversationThis is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.Americans: Please divert...

PMS Blub

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One.ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in...

Things to Remember when Camping

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.The guitar of the noisy...

Little Americans

Little AmericansTo our little Americans, I’d like to say,don’t be afraid for another day.They will never surprise us again,we’re watching closely, they can’t get in.We have our Air Force and our Army,also our Marines and our great Navy.They...

Training

TrainingAt one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care...

Long Solution

Long SolutionThere was a young man in the Air Force who was so well endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, “We’ll just take a big...

Hard English

Hard EnglishNo wonder English is so hard to learn…We polish the Polish furniture.He could lead if he would get the lead out.A farm can produce produce.The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.The soldier decided to desert in the desert.The present is a good time...

Butterfly

ButterflyA couple are driving along the freeway somewhere in the desert and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything…. the heat, the long drive, the bad drivers, the country, the bad drivers in the country etc etc…… and his wife...

Mess

MessThe first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.It wasn’t until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with...

GI Insurance

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling...

It’s a Trap

A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. “One United States Marine is better than ten Iraqis!” The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun...

Body Double

Saddam’s doctor called a meeting of all the Saddam look-alikes. “Men, I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news! The good news is Saddam is still alive. The bad news is that he lost an arm.”

New Iraqi Towns

US Central Intelligence has discovered SOME NEW TOWNS: 1. Wherz-Myroof 2. Mykamel-Izded 3. Oshit-Disisabad 4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon 5. Pleez-Ztopdishit 6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi 7. Ikantstan-Disnomore 8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin 9....

Officers never get it right…

Back in the days of the glorious British Empire, a young officer arrived at his first posting, the command of a tiny fort in the middle of the desert, twenty miles from the nearest town. His new second-in-command is showing him around the base, when just outside the...

Home Leave

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. “Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted.”Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.” “Yessir,” the Sgt. Major...

Playing the Harmonica

A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. “My love,” he...

Q & A Woman Bashing

Q. Why did God give men penises?A. So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.Q. What’s the difference between a pay check and your dick?A. You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your pay check.Q. How is a woman like a laxative?A. They both...

Dear Consumas:

Dear Consumas:It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Brooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin’ da commands. Da Brooklyn Edition may be recognized by...
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