Dirty Magazines

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. She...

Titanic Trivia

There are many stories related to the sinking of the “Titanic.” Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The...

New Las Vegas Slogans

“What Happens Here, Stays Here” is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here are the leading contenders: 1) Las Vegas: Better than Detroit (Actually, this works for any city.) 2) It’s The Gambling, Stupid 3) You’re Broke,...

Bumper Stickers You Might Want

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in...

9 Things Dogs Don’t Understand

1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3 am. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10...

A Collection of Insults!

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff?...

Puzzling Thoughts

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.Nothing puzzles me more than time and space; and...

Even More Laws

Lieberman’s Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.Logg’s Rebuttal to Gray’s Law: ‘n+1’ trivial tasks take twice as long as ‘n’ trivial tasks.Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair: After...

Obscure Thoughts

The obscure we see eventually; the completely apparent takes a little longer.The one item you want is never the one on sale.The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.The one who does the least work will get the most credit.The one who says it can’t be done...

Quickies V

This just in:Saddam’s Response to the Recent Bombings(Baghdad) Following a second day of heavy bombing in and around the Iraqi capital, Saddam Hussein reportedly announced that he is willing to accept censure.========There are two theories to arguing with women....

12 Things NOT to Say if Pulled Over

12. Hey, wasn’t your daughter a porn queen?11. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.8....

Bathroom Jokes

Well, did you hear about the constipated accountant?He couldn’t budget.Did you hear about the constipated composer?He couldn’t finish the last movement.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?He worked it out with a pencil.Did you hear about the...

40 Things Never Said by a Redneck

40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.38. Duct tape won’t fix that.37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.35. We don’t keep...

Drawbacks of Working in a Cubicle

[Or, “Welcome to my life.”]* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who’s behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are...
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