Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Women
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. She...
One Liners, Silly Sayings
There are many stories related to the sinking of the “Titanic.” Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The...
Animals, Business, Doctors, Dogs, Men, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings, Women
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it. Hey, act your age — senile! I’ve had...
Animals, Business, Dogs, Food, Horses, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Students, US President
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining...
Animals, Dogs, Elephants, Football, Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Sports, Students, Teachers
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to...
One Liners
“What Happens Here, Stays Here” is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here are the leading contenders: 1) Las Vegas: Better than Detroit (Actually, this works for any city.) 2) It’s The Gambling, Stupid 3) You’re Broke,...
One Liners
He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in...
Cats, Dogs, One Liners
1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3 am. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10...
Animals, Business, One Liners, Women
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff?...
One Liners
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.Nothing puzzles me more than time and space; and...
One Liners, Silly Sayings
Lieberman’s Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.Logg’s Rebuttal to Gray’s Law: ‘n+1’ trivial tasks take twice as long as ‘n’ trivial tasks.Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair: After...
One Liners
The obscure we see eventually; the completely apparent takes a little longer.The one item you want is never the one on sale.The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.The one who does the least work will get the most credit.The one who says it can’t be done...
Holidays, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Santa Clause, Songs
1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, “Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town…” 2. Hang a stocking with your roommate’s name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. 3. Paint your...
Dieting, Marriage, One Liners, Sex, Silly Sayings
This just in:Saddam’s Response to the Recent Bombings(Baghdad) Following a second day of heavy bombing in and around the Iraqi capital, Saddam Hussein reportedly announced that he is willing to accept censure.========There are two theories to arguing with women....
Dogs, Drinking, One Liners, Women
12. Hey, wasn’t your daughter a porn queen?11. I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?9. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.8....
One Liners
Well, did you hear about the constipated accountant?He couldn’t budget.Did you hear about the constipated composer?He couldn’t finish the last movement.Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?He worked it out with a pencil.Did you hear about the...
Dogs, One Liners, Rednecks
40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.38. Duct tape won’t fix that.37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.35. We don’t keep...
Business, One Liners, Silly Sayings
[Or, “Welcome to my life.”]* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who’s behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are...
Business, Doctors, Nurses, One Liners, Patients, Religion, Silly Sayings
In the offices of a loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.” In a classified ad: “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.” In a New York medical building: “Mental Health Prevention Center” On a New York...
Doctors, Nurses, One Liners, Patients, Silly Sayings, US President
George Washington had to borrow money so he could travel to his inauguration. – Lyndon Johnson died one mile from the house he was born in. – Grover Cleveland answered the White House phone, personally. – Calvin Coolidge was sworn into office by his...
