Perplexing Questions

Answers to some of life’s most perplexing questions:How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?ONE – He just holds it up there and waits for the world to...

Trivial Info

If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth. To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual...

COMPUTER ONE LINERS:

Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory… Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim. Justify my text? I’m sorry but it has no excuse. Programming is an art form that fights back.

50 Rules To Be a Man II

(50 more ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.52. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc.53. Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you...

50 Ways to Get Out of a Blind Date

1. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself. 2. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any insect derived food. 3. Without asking, eat off of your date’s plate. Eat more from their plate than they...

Thanks Giving Quick One Liners

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age!What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock!How do you hold a turkey in suspense? (Scroll Down)(get it?)

Puns

After 30 years of marriage to Florence, Jim the plumber left his wife. The note on the kitchen table simply read “It’s over Flo”.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for...

More Puns

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are...

Puns Puns

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. A vulture boards an...

Penis Ads

The Millikin Penis: Big blue.The Neon Penis: Hi.The little Caesar’s Penis: Penis!! Penis!! or Pleaser! Pleaser!The generic Penis: One size fits all.The Rave music Penis: Ya’ll ready for this?The Mortal Kombat Penis: Nothing can prepare you.The Bounty...

Dumb Headlines

“Infertility unlikely to be passed on”–> Montgomery Advertiser”Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men”–> The Sunday Oregonian”Man shoots neighbor with machete”–> The Miami Herald”Court Rules Boxer...

19 Things it took Me 50 Years to Learn

by Dave Barry1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be...

50 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate PART I

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.3. Twitch a lot.4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.6. Become a...

50 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate PART II

26. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get...

Computer Possessed

The Top 11 Signs Your Computer is Possessed11. Instead of flying appliances, your screen saver shows horned demons torturing your immediate family.10. The monitor spins and spews pea soup when you access the Vatican website.9. Bill Gates Screen Saver eyes follow your...
Translate ยป