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Business, Holidays, Poems and Rhymes, Programmers
Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse. Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to care, Knowing chances of cutover Hadn’t a prayer. The users were nestled All snug in their beds, While visions of... read more
Holidays, Men, Poems and Rhymes, Songs
A Mad Scientist Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house, Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse. The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed, The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose. The oven kept warm the ebola and pox, I... read more
Holidays, Internet, Poems and Rhymes
The Net is Slow Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it’s so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn’t show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned... read more
Drinking, Poems and Rhymes, Students, Teachers
Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that... read more
Business, Computers, Poems and Rhymes, US President
Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new notebook PC. Instead of producing the cryptic error message characteristic of Microsoft’s operating systems, Sony’s president said, “We intend to capture the high... read more
Animals, Business, Doctors, Dogs, Men, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings, Women
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it. Hey, act your age — senile! I’ve had... read more
Baseball, Men, Poems and Rhymes, Religion, Sports, Women
Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano,... read more
Poems and Rhymes
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, ‘watch this!’ and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke... read more
Cats, Poems and Rhymes
A Cat’s DictionaryPurring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson:... read more
Holidays, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Santa Clause, Songs
1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, “Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town…” 2. Hang a stocking with your roommate’s name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. 3. Paint your... read more
Poems and Rhymes
In the Garden of Eden,As everyone knows,Lives Adam and Eve,Without any clothes.In this garden,Were two little leaves,One covered Adam’s,One covered Eve’s.As the story goes on,Never the less to say,The wind came along,And blew the leaves away.At the... read more
One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are... read more
One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. A vulture boards an... read more
Doctors, Dogs, Marriage, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
After 30 years of marriage to Florence, Jim the plumber left his wife. The note on the kitchen table simply read “It’s over Flo”.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for... read more
Baseball, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings, Sports
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off... read more
One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. read more
Business, Computers, Holidays, Poems and Rhymes, Programmers, Santa Clause
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,While... read more
Holidays, Poems and Rhymes
Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked... read more
One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor is known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.The mason gets stoned regularly.The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter. read more
Poems and Rhymes
What has three teeth and is sixty feet long?VVVVVVVVVThe front row at a Willy Nelson concert. read more
