The Biology Song

A Mad Scientist Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house, Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse. The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed, The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose. The oven kept warm the ebola and pox, I...

Oh the Internet is Slow

The Net is Slow Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it’s so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn’t show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned...

Twas the Night before Finals

Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads. Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that...

Confucius Proverbs

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano,...

New Definition of SOS

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, ‘watch this!’ and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke...

A Cat’s Dictionary

A Cat’s DictionaryPurring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson:...

Adam and Eve Verse

In the Garden of Eden,As everyone knows,Lives Adam and Eve,Without any clothes.In this garden,Were two little leaves,One covered Adam’s,One covered Eve’s.As the story goes on,Never the less to say,The wind came along,And blew the leaves away.At the...

Puns

After 30 years of marriage to Florence, Jim the plumber left his wife. The note on the kitchen table simply read “It’s over Flo”.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for...

More Puns

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are...

Puns Puns

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. A vulture boards an...

XMas Diet

Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked...

Some Puns

The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor is known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.The mason gets stoned regularly.The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.
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