Business, Holidays, Poems and Rhymes, Programmers
Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse. Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to care, Knowing chances of cutover Hadn’t a prayer. The users were nestled All snug in their beds, While visions of...
Business, Dogs, Programmers
12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! 10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon. 9. Indentation?!...
Computers, Programmers, Religion
>WinErr 001: Windows loaded – System in dangerWinErr 002: No Error – YetWinErr 003: Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every fileWinErr 004: Erroneous error – Nothing is wrongWinErr 005: Multitasking attempted – System...
Business, Programmers
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes...
Business, Computers, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Politics, Programmers, Religion, Students
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your...
Holidays, Lawyers, Programmers, Religion, Students
Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders are disbanded. Artists’ models are deposed....
Business, Programmers, Seniors
I work for a small software company with approximately fifty employees. My Boss was the company’s third employee. At a meeting with a potential client, our team introduced our-selves one by one. When it was my Boss’ turn, he said, “I’ve been...
Business, Computers, Holidays, Poems and Rhymes, Programmers, Santa Clause
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,While...
Programmers
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?None, its a hardware problem!
Computers, Programmers
True Stories from Tech SupportCompaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust...
Business, Cats, Computers, Dogs, Programmers
20) Can’t stick their heads out of Windows Vista.19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.17) Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.16) Can’t help attacking the...
Computers, Programmers
Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, “Get out! We don’t serve your type here.”
Computers, Programmers
It says: “Press Any Key” It means: “Press any key you like but I’m not moving.” It says: “Press A Key” (This one’s a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the “A” key.) It says: “Fatal...
Holidays, Men, Programmers, Santa Clause, Seniors
T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,The computers were whirring; they never do stop.The power was on and the temperature right,In hopes that the input would feed back that night.The system was ready, the program was coded,And memory drums...
Computers, Holidays, Internet, Programmers
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU’RE A NERD16. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!15. I will stop checking my e-mail at...
Programmers
A sociologist, a psychologist, and a computer programmer were discussing the consequences and implications of a married man having a mistress. The sociologist’s opinion was that it is absolutely and categorically unforgivable for a married man to forfeit the...
Animals, Programmers
Ed was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog. Ed loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, Little Johnny, began asking to go along on...
Computers, Programmers
Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek. “Hey, bud, how are ya?””I’m good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!””Well, I’m glad you like her. Believe it or not, she’s...
Programmers
After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male...
Computers, Doctors, Nurses, Patients, Programmers
MypenisDid you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog’s name was Mypenis- Mypenis ate my homework.- Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!- Sorry I’m late. I was playing with Mypenis.- I’m sorry, Officer. I didn’t realize I had to...
