True Friends

A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.”Gosh!” exclaimed the new bride. “You...

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A REDNECK IF……

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is “out of...

You might still be a redneck if…

* The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out. * You think “dual airbags” refers to your wife and mother-in-law. * Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest. * Your school dress code contains the line “Shoes Optional”....

Logic

Two rednecks meet in a bar and decide that they weren’t going anywhere in life, so they decide to go to college to get ahead. They hop in a pickup and drive to the nearest university. While the second one waits out in the hall, the first goes in to one of the...

Redneck License Application

Redneck License ApplicationLast name: _________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) [_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann...

More Redneck Humor

More Redneck HumorYou think harass is two words. You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH. Every day someone comes to your house mistakingly thinking your having a yard sale. Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. You have more dogs than the local...

You’re a Redneck If…

You have more fingers than you do teeth -You cut your grass and find a car -You consider Denny’s a Fancy Restaurant -Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors -Your age is higher than your I.Q. -Your favorite pickup line is “Does this look infected to...

Redneck Letter

Redneck LetterA letter from a redneck mother to her son.I’m writing this letter slow, because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so...

New Sheriff

New SheriffThere was a sheriff looking for a new deputy, and a Redneck went in to apply for the job. “OK,” said the sheriff, “What is 1+1?” The redneck thought for a minute, and finally said, “11.” The sheriff asked, “What two...

Redneck Carpenter

Redneck CarpenterSome men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard. One of the men walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”The man said, “I’ll go...

Chili Notes…

Chili Notes…Only a REAL Texan could appreciate this!! Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: “Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in...

Redneck Vasectomy

Redneck VasectomyAfter having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veternarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him...

You Might Be a Redneck Farmer If…

You Might Be a Redneck Farmer If…-> Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife does.-> You wave at every vehicle whether you know them or not.-> You always look when a vehicle passes your house, even after dark.-> You have convinced your wife that an...

Lunch

LunchAn Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m...

Pure Genius

A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY subject.Below are the winners:4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an...

Chunks

ChunksThis redneck walks into a bar and says, “Give me a coke”. The bartender says, “Nah, you want a beer. Every night you come in and have three beers and leave.”The redneck says, “Yeah but last night I had three beers here then went...

Tired Arm

Tired ArmThe redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in the barn. “Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and git yo’self a wife.”So the boy went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he...

Top 20 Ways to Tell if a Redneck…

Top 20 Ways to Tell if a Redneck…is Working at a Computer in your Office 1.The mouse is referred to as a, “critter.” 2.The keyboard is camouflaged. 3.There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 4.There is a gunrack mounted on the case. 5.The password...

Redneck Humor

Redneck HumorDid you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?She can’t touch it till she’s fourteen.What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?The good ol’ boy...
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