Italian Secret to a Long Marriage!

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he...

Spell a Word

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.They saw...

We could have been here sooner!

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of...

What is this?

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?””Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.”I don’t care what it has...

How Careers End…

Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders are disbanded. Artists’ models are deposed....

Zen Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone. 2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any. 3....

LIFE – by a 90 year old

Written by R Brett, 90 years old, of Cleveland, Ohio …..To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:1. Life...

Two Float

Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts to sink.Saul the banker says to Morty the entrepreneur, “So listen, Morty, you know I don’t swim so well.” Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class...

Give us new missiles!

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.Sometime later, the Syrian Defense...

The Nut Tree

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. The bucket was so full,...

Boys and Girls

“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.” Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to...

How to Call In Sick

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she’s not feeling well. “What’s the matter?” he asks. “I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice. “What in the hell is anal...

Soup

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup of the day, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.”Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?””It’s bean soup,” she replied.”I don’t care what it’s...

Top 10 Reasons To Like Hanukkah

10. No roof damage from reindeer.9. Never a silent night when you’re among your Jewish loved ones. 8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it.7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races. 6. You can use your...

TOP 21 GOOD THINGS ABOUT HELL

21. None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.20. Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.19. Your “Do you smell something burning?” slays ’em, year after year.18. Plenty of legal...

And so it was…

God created the donkey and said to him: “You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.You will be a donkey.”The donkey answered: “I will...

WD-40

Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don’t lie and don’t cheat.Who knew; I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around...

New Horse

Mr. Jones was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane.Mr. Jones struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did,...
Translate ยป