What your car says about you

Dating, Salesmen, Students, Women

Audi 90 – I enjoy putting out engine fires.Buick Park Avenue – I am older than 34 of the 50 states.Cadillac Eldorado – I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.Cadillac Seville – I am a pimp.Chevrolet Camaro – I enjoy beating up...

You Might Be The Next Bruce Lee If

Animals, Business, Food, Holidays, Religion, Salesmen, Students, Teachers

You find yourself casually standing in a cat stance. You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church. You answer your boss Ussss. You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner...

Parent Home

Salesmen

A door-to-door salesman is working a neighborhood and walks up to a house, knocks on the door and a thirteen year-old boy answers the door.The boy has a cigar in one hand, a martini in the other and is wearing a rather expensive smoking jacket.The salesman looks at...

Vacuum Salesman

Dogs, Salesmen, Women

This salesman selling vacuum cleaners is going from door to door trying to flog them to unsuspecting housewives. He goes to this new estate hoping to have some luck there. Carrying his cleaner up to the door and holding a bunch of goodies in his other hand, he knocks...

Shorts

Salesmen

Customer to computer salesman. “I would like to return my laptop. My cat is jealous of it “Young women to friend. “I finally popped the question to David: “When are you going to pick up the tab?”In a Newspaper: “I would like to...

Death Wish

Men, Salesmen

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they came upon this harem with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. “I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except...

Father Home

Men, Salesmen

A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.The salesman says, “Little boy, is your father home?”Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What do you...

Handy telephone tip:

Salesmen

Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

Breakfast

Food, Salesmen

A traveling salesman went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast on the second morning of his latest business trip. After being seated by the hostess, he waved off the menu, apparently quite sure of what he hungered for that morning. After all, this was to be a...

Signs it’s your last day at work ……

Business, Fishing, Holidays, Salesmen

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?” you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail. As a woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I...

What to do for a Cough

Salesmen

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he...

Insurance

Salesmen

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.”I certainly don’t want to frighten you into a decision,” he announced, standing up to leave. “Please sleep on it tonight, and if you...

Price?

Salesmen

A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind.Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone...

A Piece

Salesmen

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.”Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.””You mean a sectional sofa,” he...

Special Golf Ball

Golf, Salesmen, Sports

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!”The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?”...

Real Estate Salesman’s Honesty

Salesmen

“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.”The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a...

What Happens?

Salesmen

What happens when you fall in love with:A chef? (You get buttered up.)A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)A gambler? (You are cheated)A telephone operator? (Gives you a phone-y line.)A trashman? (Dumps you.)A clockmaker? (Two-times you.)A pastry cook? (Desserts...

Job

Business, Salesmen

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.”Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is...

Salesman

Salesmen, Teachers

Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.”We don’t need anyone” they replied.”You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!””Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to...

Intelligence Test…

Animals, Engineers, Farmers, Politics, Salesmen, Students, Teachers

Here are 10 questions: You have 10 minutes only! DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Remember, I am watching! 1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?2. If a doctor gives you...