Business, Computers, Holidays, Santa Clause, Students, Teachers
If IBM ran Christmas…They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.If Microsoft ran Christmas…Each time you bought an ornament,...
Holidays, Religion, Santa Clause
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the...
Doctors, Nurses, Patients, Santa Clause, Women
Santa picked up his wife Jeeto and their new baby from the hospital and brought them home.It was not long before Jeeto suggested that Santa try his hand at changing a diaper.”I’m busy,” he said. “I promise I’ll do the next one.”The...
Holidays, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Santa Clause, Songs
1. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, “Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town…” 2. Hang a stocking with your roommate’s name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. 3. Paint your...
Santa Clause
Santa is sitting at the coffee shop, staring morosely into his coffee.Banta walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts, he asks Santa what the problem is.”Well,” said Santa, “I ran...
Dogs, Santa Clause
Q How do crazy people go through the forest?A. They take the psycho path.Q. How do you get holy water?A. Boil the hell out of it.Q. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?A. “Damn.”Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?A....
Doctors, Nurses, Patients, Santa Clause, Women
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying a Passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically and found the same on the floor of the...
Holidays, Santa Clause
A little boy sits o Santa’s lap. Santa replies “I bet I know what you want for Christmas,” and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells. “T-O-Y-S”The little boy thinks a second and says, “No, I have enough...
Business, Computers, Holidays, Poems and Rhymes, Programmers, Santa Clause
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,While...
Animals, Holidays, Men, Religion, Santa Clause, Songs
How many Christmas songs can you identify?Answers apear at the end of the mail.1. The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.2. The lad is a diminutive percussionist.3. Decorate the entry-ways.4. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.5. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y...
Santa Clause
1. “I’m down here” 2. “Just because I’ve got bells on my shoes doesn’t mean I’m a sissy.” 3. “I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi. Want to meet him?” 4. “I can get you off Santa’s naughty...
Santa Clause
A) How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? B) How do crazy people go through the forest? C) What do you call Santa’s helpers? Answers Below.AnswersA. Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer. B. They take the psycho path.C. Subordinate...
Holidays, Santa Clause
It’s a matter of my opinion that Yule love the game we’re about to play.In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an expression commonly used at Christmas time. Answers repose at the end of this column.1. On December 24, Adam’s wife...
Holidays, Santa Clause
Have a Punny Christmas by Richard LedererIf athletes get athlete’s foot, astronauts get missile toe.A bird dog could be called a point setter.James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel The Deer Sleigher.What’s the difference...
Holidays, Poems and Rhymes, Religion, Santa Clause
Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps had just...
Santa Clause
A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “What’s wrong with me? I’m afraid of Santa.” The psychiatrist said, “You must be Claustrofobic.”
Religion, Santa Clause
Solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until you “hear” the answer. Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles Have fun tryin….. Don’t cheat: 1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)...
Blondes, Drinking, Holidays, Santa Clause, Taxes
T’was the night before Christmas -Old Santa was pissedHe cussed at the elves and threw down his listMiserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have good mind to scrap the whole worksI’ve busted my ass for damn near a yearInstead of “Thanks...
Food, Holidays, Santa Clause, Seniors
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?Answer: Frostbite.Question: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?Because he had low elf esteem.Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?Answer: Ribbon...
Santa Clause
A woman woke up one morning deciding that she hated life and wanted to end it. She went on the top of her roof. As she was about to jump a man called out to him telling him to stop. She asked, “Why shouldn’t I jump?” And the man replied by saying,...
