Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Women
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, A Marine husband called home to tell his wife he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. She...
One Liners, Silly Sayings
There are many stories related to the sinking of the “Titanic.” Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The...
Animals, Business, Doctors, Dogs, Men, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings, Women
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it. Hey, act your age — senile! I’ve had...
Animals, Business, Dogs, Food, Horses, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Students, US President
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining...
Animals, Dogs, Elephants, Football, Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Sports, Students, Teachers
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to...
One Liners, Silly Sayings
Lieberman’s Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.Logg’s Rebuttal to Gray’s Law: ‘n+1’ trivial tasks take twice as long as ‘n’ trivial tasks.Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair: After...
Dieting, Marriage, One Liners, Sex, Silly Sayings
This just in:Saddam’s Response to the Recent Bombings(Baghdad) Following a second day of heavy bombing in and around the Iraqi capital, Saddam Hussein reportedly announced that he is willing to accept censure.========There are two theories to arguing with women....
Business, One Liners, Silly Sayings
[Or, “Welcome to my life.”]* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who’s behind you. * Fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire. * The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right. * Prison cells are...
Business, Doctors, Nurses, One Liners, Patients, Religion, Silly Sayings
In the offices of a loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.” In a classified ad: “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.” In a New York medical building: “Mental Health Prevention Center” On a New York...
Doctors, Nurses, One Liners, Patients, Silly Sayings, US President
George Washington had to borrow money so he could travel to his inauguration. – Lyndon Johnson died one mile from the house he was born in. – Grover Cleveland answered the White House phone, personally. – Calvin Coolidge was sworn into office by his...
One Liners, Silly Sayings
If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth. To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual...
Holidays, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Songs, Students, Teachers
The night of January 20 is “Saint Agnes’s Eve”, which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband. Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros.It takes glass one million years to decompose, which...
Business, Computers, Holidays, Marriage, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Songs
In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song “Happy Birthday”. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in...
Baseball, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings, Sports
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off...
One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are...
One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. A vulture boards an...
Men, One Liners, Silly Sayings, Women
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing, please not to read notice.In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.In a Leipzig...
Doctors, Dogs, Marriage, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings
After 30 years of marriage to Florence, Jim the plumber left his wife. The note on the kitchen table simply read “It’s over Flo”.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for...
Animals, Dentists, Doctors, One Liners, Sex, Silly Sayings
In a Zurich hotel:Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.In a Rome...
Business, Computers, One Liners, Religion, Silly Sayings
The Top 11 Signs Your Computer is Possessed11. Instead of flying appliances, your screen saver shows horned demons torturing your immediate family.10. The monitor spins and spews pea soup when you access the Vatican website.9. Bill Gates Screen Saver eyes follow your...
