Serenity

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented....

Little Tommy on Getting Older

Little TOMMY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you...

Pop Concerts in Japan

Stevie Wonder was playing his first ever gig in Tokyo and the venue was absolutely packed to the afters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asked if anyone would like him to play a request.A little old Japanese man jumped out of his seat in the first...

Just Checking

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased — what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to...

WEB ADDICTION HOLIDAY SING ALONG!

(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,I’m happy — althoughMy boss let me go –Happily addicted to the Web.All night long, I sit...

Advise

Mrs. Swensen and Mrs. Schwartz were sitting around the lunchroom table at the senior citizens center. “So, Mrs. Swensen. What’s nu?””Well” said Mrs. Swensen, “Last night I went out with Mr. Stein, and he was such a gentleman. Why,...

The Newlyweds

A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare...

All Done

An 80-year-old man went to Hollywood to pick up a prostitute and get some action. He noticed one hooker in particular and started flirting with her.The prostitute started becoming annoyed and said, “Get lost old man! You’re ruining...

Love, Marriage, etc

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits, and then complain that he’s not the man she married?When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.Marriage is one long conversation, checkered by...

Horny Grandparents

This man stops over to visit his grand parents, during a hot spell, and finds his grand father standing in front of the air conditioner without any pants on.Man says: Gramps, what are you doing? You don’t have any pants on.”Grandfather says:...

Do you Believe

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his new employees. “Yes, Sir.” the employee replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss continued. “After you left early yesterday to go to your...

Songs

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said “Today, church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.”The...

Wise Old Man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and...

Prize!

Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.One leaned over the other and said, “Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For two bucks, I’d take my clothes off and streak...

Medical Concerns

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would...

Hospital Hit Parade

Songs From The Hospital Hit Parade”I’ll be Sewing You””Red Cells in the Sunset””It’s Spleen a Long, Long Time””It Had to Be Flu””On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma””Gonna Take a Sentimental...

Pass the Salt…

Three Hell’s Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat.Astonished, one of them say’s, “I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got rat-arsed.”Being quick on the...

Xmas Shorties

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?Answer: Frostbite.Question: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?Because he had low elf esteem.Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?Answer: Ribbon...

Home For The Holidays!

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams....
EnglishEspañolPortuguêsDeutschFrançaisItalianoРусский한국어日本語简体中文العربية