How to Mess with the IRS Next Year

Business, Dating, Taxes

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) –Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take...

Tax Plan for Your 2018 Taxes

Politics, Taxes, US President

Enclosed is my 2018 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from “USA Today” archives.In the article, you will note that the Pentagon paid $171.50 each for hammers and NASA paid $600.00 each for toilet seatsPlease find...

IRS Audit

Religion, Taxes

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.” “Yes,” answered the Rabbi....

Work vs. Prison

Taxes

IN PRISON…You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell. AT WORK….You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle. IN PRISON…You get three meals a day. AT WORK….You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. IN...

Cows With a New Twist

Animals, Business, Drinking, Engineers, Food, Men, Students, Taxes

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and...

Rules for the Bosses

Taxes

1. Don’t ever give me work in the morning. Always wait until at least 4:00 pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every ten minutes or so to inquire how it’s going....

Bar Stool Economics

Men, Taxes, Teachers

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to €100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.The fifth would pay €1.The sixth would pay...

Some People II

Dieting, Taxes

They don’t know their own strength until they get into hot water.-> are like the twenty-five cent stamps. You don’t appreciate them until they are gone.-> are like wheelbarrows, trailers or canoes. They need to be pushed, pulled or paddled.-> are perfect...

Tax Time Poem

Animals, Fishing, Marriage, Poems and Rhymes, Politics, Taxes

At first I thought this was funny…then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he’s fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his...

Night before X’mas

Blondes, Drinking, Holidays, Santa Clause, Taxes

T’was the night before Christmas -Old Santa was pissedHe cussed at the elves and threw down his listMiserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have good mind to scrap the whole worksI’ve busted my ass for damn near a yearInstead of “Thanks...

Illegal Alien

Politics, Taxes

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone (202) 224 3254 Washington DC, 20510 Dear Senator Harkin, As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing...

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember

Blondes, Religion, Students, Taxes

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.” 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary. 3. The difference between the Pope and your boss… the Pope only...

The Other Side of the Coin

Computers, Holidays, Students, Taxes

I am thankful…For the teenager who is not doing dishes but is watching TV, because that Means he is at home and not on the streets.For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have...

10 Reasons Why You Should Ask Your Boss For A Raise

Business, Holidays, One Liners, Taxes

10. You take your paycheck to the bank and the teller bursts out in hysterical laughter.9. The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency assistance.8. Your only charge cards are for the Salvation Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores.7. You work full time and you still...

Tax break for Dummies

Taxes

I was having lunch with one of my favorite friends last week and the conversation turned to the government’s recent round of tax cuts. “I’m opposed to those tax cuts,” the retired college instructor declared, “because they benefit the...

THE “TWO-COW EXPLANATION”

Engineers, Taxes

THE “TWO-COW EXPLANATION”A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?A...

Gullibility Virus

Computers, Dating, Internet, Taxes

Gullibility Virus – with real links to real info******************************************************************WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE!Gullibility Virus Spreading over the...

You Take Them

Men, Students, Taxes

You Take ThemSometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better. This is one of those. It is a real letter submitted to the IRS the midst of 1995’s weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions, and credits. The letter...

Get Your Money’s Worth this Year

Taxes

Get Your Money’s Worth this YearThere was a man who computed his taxes for 2000 & found that he owed $3,407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:Dear IRS:Enclosed is my 2000 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article...

Sayings…

Football, Golf, Internet, Men, One Liners, Poems and Rhymes, Silly Sayings, Songs, Sports, Taxes, Teachers

Sayings…Please contribute, if you like.1. Work like you don’t need the money.2. Love like you’ve never been hurt.3. Dance like no one is watching.4. Live like every night is Saturday night, and every day is a Sunday.5. Fart like you are the only one...