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Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.

Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.

Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

Can’t enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, “Look Ma! It’s Elvis!”

After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

No warm blood for miles around DC.

Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized “hardbodies.”

Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.

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