Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
— sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge
Mattie’s Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, “An alternative to Good Eating”
— Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas
Truth is that which cannot be proved false.
— Dick Morris
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
— sign in a Moscow Hotel
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
— Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies team manager
We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover.
— Parish Magazine
I didn’t know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song.
— Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor’s breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas
Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.
— Bill Peterson, football coach
They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
— Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained.
— Restaurant sign in Langkawi, Malaysia