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Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Brooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin’ da commands. Da Brooklyn Edition may be recognized by da uniquesness of da openin’ screen. It reads: WINDAS 98″, wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start da program, instead a da usual “harpy, stringy” music, you hear da teme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

*Recycle Bin is labeled “Staten Island”.
*My Computer is called “My Friggin’ Computa”.
*The Inbox is referred as “Da Trunk”.
*Deleted Items are referred to as “Wacked”, “Erased”, or Rubbed Out”.
*Dial Up Networking is called “Da Bar”.
*Control Panel is known as the “Da Bosses”.
*Performin’ an “Illegal Operation” is known
as “Enhancin’ da family business” and will actually maximize
WINDOWS98/BROOKLYN EDITION program
instead of shuttin’ it down.
*Hard Drive is referred to as “Da BQE Rush Hour”
*Instead of an error message a “You ain’t gonna friggin’ believe dis”! pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION

Ok…………Sure ting
Cancel…..fugetaboutit
Reset…….Start Ova
Yes……….Yeah
No………..Nah
Find……..Put a contract out on
Browse…Get a looksee
Back……..U toin
Help……..(Help ain’t available -youz don’t need no stinkin’ help)
Stop……..Knock it off
Start……..Move it!
Settings….Here’s da Rules

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN EDITION platform don’t recognize da letter “R”. Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98:

Typa…………A word processin’ program
Printa………..Printer
Calculata……Calculator
Solitare………Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconveniences it may have caused if you received a copy of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. Youse gotta problem wit dat?

Bill (“4 eyes”) Gates

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