Q: Diner: I can’t eat this chicken. Call the manager.
A: Waiter: It’s no use. He can’t eat it either.
Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie, of course.
Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?
A: Chirpes. It’s one of those canarial diseases. I hear it’s untweetable.
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
A: To the retail store.
Q: What kind of dog tells time?
A: A watch dog.
Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.
Q: Why is a tree like a dog?
A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.
Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?
A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!
Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops?
A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?