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10. Do not say what you mean. Ever.

9. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.

8. Play Alanis Morissette’s “You Outta Know,” loud. Look at them. Smile.

7. Look them in the eye and start laughing. (during an intimate moment)

6. Cry.

5. Gather many female friends and dance to “I Will Survive” while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.

4. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone.

3. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they’re wrong.

2. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.

1. Constantly claim you’re fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.

Ok, but men still can’t live without them!

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