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Open the oven, shove hunks of Velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking.

Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.

Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

Mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice, you were worried for nothing.”

When you arrive, promise that your date won’t be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, “THE SAFETY IS ON”, while you hold your pocket.

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