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Ifs and Whys

* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
* If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?
* “When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
* If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
* Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
* Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
* If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philips Screwdriver?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a “whack”?
* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
* Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
* Why do park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?
* “I am.” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I Do.” is the longest sentence?
* Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

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